Stability

Period 4

In a SECOND I was drowning, caught in the netting of the inner tube, limbs flailing with no direction. My vision had blurred to a sea of blue and light. No amount of personal strength could get me out of this trap four feet below the surface. I was alone, and this was how I was going to die.

As I fell to the ground on Lani Kai Beach, there was only a MINUTE of time between when I thought I was okay and when I wasn’t. I had been stung four times by some sea creature and felt the almost unbearable pain creep up my left calf. The shock caused me to tremble and when I was conscious again I was in a local Hawaiian clinic attached to an IV. The one person I saw was my dad, a smile plastered to his tired face, firmly gripping my hand.

I fell off the top bunk at my first sleep away experience, Camp Echo. During the night, I tend to toss, turn and mindlessly banter while sleeping. This time, I rolled right over the safety bar and onto the cold cement, close to headfirst. Stumbling across the field to the nurse’s station seemed to take HOURS. Shuffling in, I fell into a bed and woke up with two black eyes and a couple of surprisingly large lumps on my head. With my concussion, I headed out the door and made a tough growl-face in the mirror. I couldn’t be late for my horseback-riding lesson.

I had crashed. Completely totaled my car. Hit my head on the steering wheel and my collarbone on the horn. The sirens echoed through my eardrum and I slowly got out of the car. It was all my fault. My guilty face looked down the dark street, and a policeman rushed to the scene. It felt like DAYS ‘til he got there. I repeated, “This is a dream. This is a dream” over and over in my head.

I have the same reoccurring dream at least once a WEEK for the past four years. I’m falling down an endless well, not knowing when it will end. Its weird. For some reason, I’m not scared in them. I feel God in them. I don’t know how that makes a difference, but I don’t feel like I’m about to succumb to an inevitable, terrible fate. I feel safe.